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Opinion - page 2


The other side of the bubble

By Josh Towner From August 19, 2017 to July 29, 2018, I spent less than 50 days away from Bethel. For that dubiously long stretch of 345 days, I was never away from campus for more than two and a half weeks at a time. To put it lightly, I was tired of Bethel. I had eaten enough Sodexo taqueria and drank enough Royal Grounds dark roast to last me a lifetime. I saw enough people who claim to be good Christians leave their bags at an empty booth in the Grill while they ate dinner in the DC to make me consider never coming back to Bethel. That’s part of why instead of attending Bethel for the fall semester, I’m in New York City in a study abroad program. When I moved to New York, I immediately felt a change in energy. The city moves fast – it doesn’t… Keep Reading


I am woman, hear me cheer

After homecoming week, I was inspired to tackle the topic of labels and how they enforce gender roles. By Jamie Hudalla | Columnist It’s story time, boys and girls. You’re about to hear a feminist rant. I reached legal adulthood three years ago, but people still refer to me as girl. It’s a term that seems tattooed onto me until I produce wrinkles and children, yet the term boy conjures images of binkies and nursery rhymes, and would never be applied to a college-aged male. This odd disparity came up once again during powderpuff practice. “Did you see the email?” my friend asked. I didn’t catch on at first. Then I checked the homecoming events update, and a few words stood out. Men’s dance. Girl’s powderpuff. I’m not accusing Bethel of misogyny or sexism or any other key word that ignites flaming feminist torches. However, I am posing a question:… Keep Reading

A paradox of justice

How do we respect victims while protecting the rights of the accused? Sam Krueger explores due process, the Kavanaugh hearings and its implications. While #MeToo has done a tremendous job creating an environment where women feel more comfortable to come forward about sexual assault, we have begun to dismantle the processes that makes our justice system, well, just. I think that this is leading our country towards unsustainable applications of justice. I want to make it absolutely clear that this article is not anti-victim. Quite the contrary. I fully acknowledge the difficulty of dealing with often unprovable crimes and that our current system is not well-equipped to help victims. I do not claim to know the answer. Rather, I want to point out an issue that I believe affects all aspects of our justice system. This problem supersedes political ideology, and it is in our collective interest to try and… Keep Reading


Advice from the Maddies

We asked Bethel students to submit questions this month about relationships. Maddie DeBilzan, our editor-in-chief, and Maddie Christy, our managing editor, have answered them with class, wisdom and a little bit of sass. Neither of them have degrees or experience in psychology, but they like to pretend. How many close friends is too many close friends? Maddie C: I have always heard you can only really have deep relationships with five to seven people. It’s not realistic to be deep friends with 25 people! But my friends and I often talk about how hard this is, especially in a community like Bethel. We all know so many people, and say “Hi” to 12 people when we walk down the hall. Is it possible to stop and ask all those people how they are really doing? No! We need to learn it’s OK to have concentric circles of friends. We can… Keep Reading


Finding a voice

A survivor’s response to the Kavanaugh nomination. By Diana Clark I don’t remember any time before the first moments he felt entitled to my body. I don’t remember many moments after. New research has shown amnesia may happen at age 7. I was 8. I didn’t even know what sex was, before I was forced to do something that erased every innocent bone in my body. For years after, my mind felt like swiss cheese that provided me with many holes any time I tried to work through what had happened to me. While I cannot recall every moment of the four years I endured this trauma, I remember exactly how it started. I have never shared the details about how it first began with anyone before, not even when I shared the information with my parents years later. Truth or Dare. Outside on the self-constructed slip and side. Just… Keep Reading



By Sam Krueger Faculty Cuts Felt Throughout Campus In recent days there has been an outcry of support for the departments damaged or cut by the faculty reductions. Some say that the cuts unevenly impact the liberal arts as opposed to more mainstream majors such as biology or business. Business department chair Tina Crosby pushed back reminding critics that just recently they were forced to layoff the faculty in charge of the classes that talk about carrying a briefcase, folding a pantsuit or how to perfectly mix a gin martini while wearing a hat. Royals Volleyball Sees Drop In Attendance In the last 2 years trends have shown a steady decline in attendance to Bethel’s volleyball games. In fact, last weeks victory against Hamline University saw a royal turnout of 0. Research suggests the drop in attendance is directly correlated to the absurd amount of wins that the volleyball team… Keep Reading


By Samuel Krueger History department launches groundbreaking STEM curriculum One of Bethel’s core beliefs is that students graduate into society as ‘world changers’. This sentiment is shown through our world class faculty and facilities, but it is now become apparent through Bethel’s groundbreaking history STEM lab. With an intense passion to bring science, technology, engineering and math to the humanities, a generous donor provided specifically allocated funds for the project. It will include an alchemy lab, bloodletting studio, and a workshop devoted to time traveling technology. Bethel reveals new sax-a-boom line Part of Bethel’s new long term strategy, hereafter referred to as LTS, the music department has invested in a number of Kawasaki Sax-a-booms. Popular in the 90’s, this now rare device has become the favored instrument of the highly competitive pep band scene. In an attempt to corner the newly emerging alternative music segment of competitive bands, Bethel is… Keep Reading

From the ClariOnion Editorial Board (Sam Krueger)

Our Official Response to Bethel’s Budgetary Shortcomings By Sam Krueger The editorial board recommends that all unnecessary furniture be disassembled and used for kindling in the furnaces. Heating can be expensive in Minnesota. In order to pay for the planned 70-foot bust of President Jay Barnes, we would also recommend that the campus be stripped of all salable granite in order to cut the deficit as much as possible. In order to prevent any further layoffs, three professors will be assigned to each classroom to teach their respective classes simultaneously. This will allow students to graduate 3 times as fast, opening up new spaces for potential students. This will also allow the administration to rent out two-thirds of all classroom space to another university, probably one that’s better with money. Bethel should immediately embark on an aggressive public ad campaign and volunteer to host the 2022 winter Olympics. All remaining… Keep Reading

Journalism in a Christian community

I’ve had many students confront me with views that seem to reflect a general misunderstanding of what The Clarion’s role is at Bethel University. Here’s a clarification. By Maddie DeBilzan I love Bethel University. I wear blue and gold to every Saturday afternoon football game. I love walking through the halls to see strangers holding doors for strangers. I love that I can leave my backpack outside of the Dining Center. I love saying “Hi” to people I barely know, and I love having roommates and classmates who push me to be better. I also love being a journalist. I love asking questions and having a professional reason to be curious. I love the adrenaline rush of having to submit a story six minutes after the football game ends. And I love piecing all my chicken-scratch notes together until a story is formed – one that’s honest, raw, and true.… Keep Reading

Columnist: Samuel Krueger/Opinion


By Sam Krueger Bethel’s Chief Budgetary Officer Admits Plan is to Just Wait Until Jesus Comes Back Gary Stevenson, Bethel’s long time financial strategist just recently returned from a 3 year vacation to the Cayman Islands. When questioned about the precarious financial situation Bethel is in, he looked surprised. Part of a church with an obscure eschatological interpretation of the Bible, Stevenson admitted that he just figured God would deal with it when he came back. In other news, he has organized a prayer vigil to pray for the financially devastated families and soon to be directionless faculty that he plans to lay off this year. Bethel Remembers Squeakers This last Monday a moment of silence was observed during chapel for the resident squirrel that was run over in front of Wessman Hall. Squeakers was a loving husband, friend, and father of 29. A memorial service will be held next… Keep Reading

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