Columnist: Samuel Krueger

The Freshman Survival Guide

By: Sam Krueger

Top 7 Things Every Freshman Needs

  1. No. 3 Lead Pencil

This may seem like a no brainer, but not only are these good to write with, they can be stuck in the ear canal, eraser first, as a way to block out your upstair neighbors’ 4 a.m. band practice.

  1. A portable cellphone charger

This is useful for the required freshman intro courses that you will inevitably spend 100% of on your phone.

  1. A parakeet

Commonly used by 19th century miners to test air toxicity, the parakeet has become an essential safety device for any dorm that contains more than one college level athlete.

  1. A guitar

For 4 a.m. band practice.

  1. 60 dollars cash

Even though your friend Chad says that cryptocurrency is the way of the future, having physical cash at your disposal never hurt anyone.

  1. Your wits

Important, but commonly left at home, your wits will come in handy when helping you

realize that maybe pre-med wasn’t the way to go.

  1. A bottle of 2013 Jadot Clos de la Roche

For your professor when you get an A- but REALLY need that A to get into the grad school that you’re totally going to apply for. A cheap Nappa Valley cab sav should do the trick for professors who prefer the softer California grape.

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