Tips, tricks and general advice compiled by Clarion staff to help people act like they’ve been going to Bethel their whole life.
By Josh Towner and Zach Walker
The CLC has some of the best bathrooms. They’re clean, modern, spacious and, best of all, almost always empty. For a relaxing and uninterrupted bowel movement, look no further than the CLC.
There’s a fully furnished fort in the woods. If your dorm is too loud and you’re tired of being around other people, this hand-crafted hideout in the woods features a couch, futon and golden toilet. It’s like Will Byers’ fort in Stranger Things, just less cool.
Browse the home goods shelves at GoodWill. Although Target’s Room Essentials lineup of dorm furniture and college oriented commodities are great purchases while your parents are still in town buying everything for you, GoodWill has everything your heart and empty wallet desires, like an old tennis racket, a quesadilla press or these wooden cats.
Pasta and stir fry are the slowest DC lines. Pasta and stir fry are two things the DC does really well, but the quality comes at the cost of time. If you’re stepping in for Noodle Wednesday 15 minutes before class starts, you’re not going to make it.
You can leave your backpack unattended. Bethel students are quick to trust, slow to anger and don’t make very good thieves. Feel free to leave your backpack on a chair in the BC when you step away for a few minutes, or outside the DC when you head in for a bite. The only place you can’t leave a backpack unattended is an empty booth in the Grill. You’ll be turned into a pillar of salt for committing this sin.
Try the movie section at the library. We know that new freshmen are just itching to get their hands on those Bible reference collections and various world atlases, but the movie section is a tucked-away corner of discovery that few people utilize. Hang a left at the brown couches and explore titles ranging from Pixar and Disney classics to deep cut Oscar nominees. Now, put down that textbook and get watching. But also study.
Keep a tight grip on your DC tray. Unless you’re looking for a smattering of applause and a whole lot of attention, try and keep your DC tray off the floor. You won’t have to face the shame of Sodexo workers cleaning up your mess, and you’ll get to eat your food.
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